Wife with in-person job cooks every meal for husband who works from home, he tries to take one of her lunches and she snaps at him: 'He's annoyed about being "scolded" like a child but is demonstrably a massive child'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 31, 2025 10:00 AM EDT
A man looks over the shoulder of a woman at the fridge.

She was taking on way more labor than her husband while working a full-time job. He still lashed out at her.

It's totally up to you and your partner how you split the labor. There is no cut-and-dry way to do it that will make everyone happy. And it doesn't have to make anyone happy besides the two of you. It doesn't matter if your family approves of it, your friends think it's weird, or what strangers on the internet think. But it does have to make sense for both of you. If one of you isn't happy with it, then there is a huge problem. 

But you can also get into a routine that doesn't end up working for you, and you don't realize it until one of you snaps. You're trotting along doing your usual thing, not realizing that you're unhappy. Then you say something you might later regret, and it all comes tumbling down. But you need those moments sometimes to give you an opportunity to zoom out and make some changes in your life. 

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  • A husband looks in a fridge and considers something to eat.
    via Leon Seibert

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened in this story, where a wife was doing the lion's share of the work and not getting much in return. Then, when she hit a particularly difficult week, her husband wasn't there to support her. Read on to see what happened in this couple and decide what you would have done. 

  • Am I in the wrong for telling my husband to not eat the food I made for my lunches?

    My husband (34m) and i (33f) had a little exchange yesterday morning. He works remotely full time while I work in person all 5 days of the week. I also do most of the cooking and cleaning. Since I'm not home during the day, I make my lunch and make sure he either has leftovers or make something fresh for him the night before.
    via u/DroidFit3625
  • On monday, there was a crisis at work and I realized i was going to have to work longer hours this week and won't have a lot of time to cook. i stayed up until 2 am on monday night cooking a variety of food items to cover my lunches for the week and at least 2-3 days worth of meals for all of us. He went to bed at 10 pm. For my lunches, i made stuffed squash since I can just boil a little bit of rice to go with it every night while packing my lunch.
    via u/DroidFit3625
  • The next morning as I was heading out for work, I started showing my husband what's in the fridge so he doesn't tell me later he didn't see it. He saw the stuffed squash and started taking one out of the container before I could tell him I made it for my lunches. Here's where I might be TA: as he was taking one out, I said a little too loudly "no, that's for my lunches". He looked a bit like how our
    via u/DroidFit3625
  • daughter looks when I scold her for something. The intention was to let him know I made it with a specific purpose so he's not just eating all the portions I made for my lunches and leaving me scrambling again. I also told him that he's more than welcome to try one if he wants it, I just didn't want him to think he can have all of it. He wasn't saying anything more on it and I was running late so I left for work.
    via u/DroidFit3625
  • When I got home, he seemed unnaturally quiet and distant with me. I asked him why he's acting weird but he said he isn't and nothing's wrong so I dropped it. At the end of the night, he told me he didn't like how I spoke to him that morning about the food and he felt like I was trying to control how much he's eating. My husband is
    via u/DroidFit3625
  • the sort of person who will eat half a pizza that was meant to be shared between 3 people because he really felt like stuffing it in the moment without even asking if there's enough for everyone. Dont get me wrong, he generally is very considerate but he has some 'cookie monster' moments. Even so, I've only ever commented on it if he's being rude to guests by
    via u/DroidFit3625
  • doing it or if he's overeating something he needs to restrict for medical reasons.Considering how much food I made to make sure he has plenty to eat during the day, that comment seemed to come out of left field and was honestly quite hurtful but I apologized for my tone from the morning and making him feel bad about it and explained the reasoning and the intention behind it.
    via u/DroidFit3625
  • So AITAH for telling him to not eat the food I made for my lunches? Is it reasonable for him to think I'm trying to control how much he's eating just based on that one comment?
    via u/DroidFit3625

  • Commenters had a lot to say about this division of labor.

    stellablue925 • 7h ago My husband works from home and I'm in the office 5 days a week. He survives without me having to baby him and takes care of his own meals all by himself. NTA. Your husband is lazy. Stop catering to him.
    via u/stellablue925
  • CounselorWriter 8h ago • Why isn't lazy husband making meals? He's at home all day while the OP isn't.
    via u/CounselorWriter
  • Viva_Veracity1906 7h ago NTA. There are plenty of issues in this relationship, you are in a mother role-working, commuting, cleaning, cooking and here he is, at home, contributing less to household chores, unable to control his urges even when
    via u/Viva_Veracity1906
  • indulging will hurt others, needing your reminder or scolding to be just basically considerate. And you don't di this for you, only for others. You say he's generally considerate. How? I bet you'll struggle to produce examples of worth.
    via u/Viva_Veracity1906
  • Now he's pouting and passive aggressive because he was told 1 food in the kitchen is for your lunch while doing overtime? What a weak little man.
    via u/Viva_Veracity1906
  • noodlum93 · 5h ago • He's annoyed about being "scolded" like a child but is demonstrably a massive child in his behaviours.
    via u/noodlum93
  • Impossible_Syrup_1... • 6h ago You have the same division of labour that me and my dog have I go out to work and I do all the cooking and cleaning She stays home
    via u/Impossible_Syrup_131
  • Sometimes I have to shout at her when she tries to steal my food Only difference is she doesn't hold a grudge and is very grateful for the life I provide her And she's shows me lots of love and affection
    via u/Impossible_Syrup_131
  • I also don't mind doing all the work, seen as how she's a bloody dog so unable to split 50/50 like a husband should Get rid of the husband and - get a dog it's a better trade off NTA
    via u/Impossible_Syrup_131
  • Salty_Sense_7662 8h ago . Why isn't he the cook and meal prepper since he never has a commute? NTA
    via u/Salty_Sense_7662
  • . zipitdirtbag ⚫ 7h ago Embarrassing for him that he can't take care of his own meals while he's at home during the day. He's not a child. I choose to make my own work lunches and my husband chooses to buy lunch when at work instead. We split the cooking between us.
    via u/zipitdirtbag
  • Bern... .7h ago • Edited 7h ago NTA - Why do you do all the cooking and cleaning? ANd why doesn't he step up if you have to work late and cooks for YOU? NO, he does Not Sound considerate or your bar is very low.
    via u/BerneDoodleLover24
  • lainmelle 7h ago NTA but make him start cooking for himself if he works from home. Why are you doing everything while also commuting? That's wild. to me.
    via u/lainmelle
  • bordennium • 8h ago NTA. You both work full time, and yet you still do most of the cooking and cleaning on top of the time it takes you to travel to and from work. I'm not at all trying to make assumptions about your
    via u/bordennium
  • relationship or how much he contributes, but it seems like. this is a problem due to unrealized and/or undervalued effort on your part. Yeah, maybe you could've used a better tone. That being said, you're putting a ton of effort and time into something he's mindlessly taking from,
    via u/bordennium
  • without any consideration for why you might need those meals to function, the extral effort it will take to prepare new meals if he eats them, etc. I think it was kind of you to apologize for your tone, but don't let your experience go
    via u/bordennium
  • unrecognized. I recommend sitting down with him and talking to him about how your average work day plays out and the effort it takes to prepare meals. I think if he's genuinely a good guy who loves you, that added context will help him understand why you snapped at him.
    via u/bordennium
  • PrincessCG · 7h ago Nta. Why are you cooking for him when he's at home and can square himself away without you mothering him? You were up until 2am prepping. Is he that oblivious?! Unless you enjoy catering to him, he's adding extra work to your pile and being lazy.
    via u/PrincessCG
  • A man looks over the shoulder of a woman at the fridge.
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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